Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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