dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
