bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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