Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
