I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
