plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
soo... how was my night?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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