Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
