so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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