I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
We're too hungover to prance.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
