Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
she pinky promised me she was 18
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
