The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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