What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
