to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
