I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
