I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
