She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
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