well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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