I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
