...so i touched it.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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