Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
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