i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
