oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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