would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
