"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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