Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i just wanna soil my oats bro
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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