what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
