you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Randomize
