The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I love you.
Bad choice
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
