she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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