at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
