I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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