yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
