her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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