Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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