I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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