Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
it's like heaven, but drunker
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
True strength comes from lack of pants
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
