the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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