We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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