He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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