wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
