having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
