i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
