Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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