I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
