the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
