Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
