can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
