i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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