guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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