sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize