don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Randomize