Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
