Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
