i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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