At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
