There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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