i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
