I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
