We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
