So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
