can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Randomize
