i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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