I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
