3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
