Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
