She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
