Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
