Define "chronic" masturbator.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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