Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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