there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
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After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
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I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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