Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
We named our party play list daddy issues
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
