yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
