he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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