It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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