im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
