There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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