Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
