love makes seman taste better
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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