the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
