i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
